a film review by John Ward

Doomsday is just about as derivative a film as they come. But damn if things don't move fast and blow up real good. And sometimes -- if that sort of baloney is done with verve and glee -- it's enough.

I confess I was looking forward to seeing this movie, the third feature from British (or is it Scottish?) director Neil Marshall. Marshall's freshman effort was, of course, Dog Soldiers, an ICS pick of several years back, and one of the most cheerfully gory werewolf movies ever made. His sophomore effort was The Descent, a claustrophobic monster mash that made two of my Top Ten lists. (Go figure.) 

I had heard through the internet grapevine that Doomsday was skewing away from Marshall's horror roots and into more action-oriented territory. Well, I guess that's true; there's plenty of action. There's also a sizable helping of what I can only call movie-geek insanity. I wound up playing count-the-homages (or rip-offs, depending on how you feel about Marshall).

If you took Escape from New York, 28 Days Later, and The Road Warrior and tossed them into a giant cinematic MixMaster...added a dollop of Aliens and a smidgen of (God help me) Excalibur...and let it run on "high puree" for a couple of hours, I think Doomsday would be the result. It's easily one of the dumbest movies I've seen in a long while, the kind of flick that the phrase "suspension of disbelief" was made for. It's like a really well-made grind house film, if there is such a thing.

Now, about the plot. (Yes, there is one.) After a quick present-day intro that shows how a super virus threatens to wipe out Scotland, we jump 27 years to 2035. Scotland has been walled off from the rest of the world in an attempt to contain the virus. The resulting country has devolved into a wasteland, and the rest of Britain says good riddance. Then the virus resurfaces in London, and satellite evidence of survivors is found in Glasgow. A select military team is sent into the hot zone in hopes of bringing back a cure.

And that's more than enough time to describe the plot, one of the cheesiest setups I've seen in a long time. I'm not supposed to like movies this insane, this silly, this surprisingly gory. (For the record, I thought the rock-concert-turned-cannibalistic-mosh-pit was handled fairly tastefully. No pun intended.) But I liked this one. Maybe it was because I liked Rhona Mitra, the heroine who leads the strike team. The only thing I knew her from was as James Spader's hottie assistant on The Practice, but Rhona really kicks a$$ here. Think Kate Beckinsale without the fangs, but with more muscle and firepower.

Which brings me back to the derivative thing. I still remember disliking Minority Report for basically the same reasons I seem to be praising Doomsday, and I think I figured out why. While watching the Spielberg flick, I got the feeling Spielberg was just being sloppy. He might not have even realized he was ripping off stuff like The Fugitive and L.A. Confidential. With Doomsday, I got the impression Marshall knew exactly what he was doing...and he was doing it with a wide-open grin on his face. Kinda like the expression I had walking out of the theater today. 

Doomsday gets a 9.5 out of 10. (I took off a half-star because of the stupidity factor. It's only fair.)
 
 

Find it on the ICS Forum

A new addition to the ICS Files. Each month ICS files will pull some gems from the discussions at the ICS Forum. The Forum has some wonderful TV and movie news, reviews and heated discussions about the good and bad in cinema.  Find it at http://p196.ezboard.com/btheicsmessageboard
 

The Wolf Man -- First Look 
If you want to get a look at make-up genius Rick Baker's magic for The Wolf Man and Benicio del Toro, click the link below. I'm very excited about this now. When I first heard Baker was doing the wolf makeup, I was afraid he would try something like An American Werewolf Part II or something. But -- based on these great shots -- it looks like Baker is going "old school" to recapture the ferocity of Larry Talbot. Take a look: www.aintitcool.com/node/36063
 

24 Fans Will NOT Have to Wait Till January! 
I just came across this news flash, should be of serious interest to 24 fans on the Forum. (I think there are three or four of us.)

This sounds like a good idea, appealing to long-suffering-yet-patient fans. Let's face it: 24 was easily the biggest casualty of the Writers' Strike.

Check the link: www.hollywoodreporter.com...2af0af12c8
 

Jason & the Argonauts 
Great presentation, John! I thoroughly enjoyed hearing your reminiscences on Jason & the Argonauts, and had a great time watching it. When Clash of the Titans came out, I was at just the right age and was thoroughly freaked out by Medusa, so I could understand how you were effected by Talos and gang.

Just got my nose out of my encyclopedia, so here is more on the myth of Jason and Medea. After attaining the golden fleece, Medea travels with Jason & the Argonauts back to Iolcos, Thessaly for Jason to claim the throne. But once there, it is not Jason who kills Pelias, but rather Medea! Jason is unable to take the throne, though, as Pelias' son drives Jason and Medea out. They take refuge with King Creon of Corinth, where Jason and Medea are married and have children. All's well that ends well, right?

At this point, the Greek playwright Euripides continued the story in his aptly titled work, Medea, written in 431 BC. After several happy years of married life in Corinth, Jason leaves Medea for the Princess of Corinth. Medea is a little upset about this, so to inflict maximum pain and suffering on Jason she murders both the Princess and their own sons. And before Jason can punish Medea, she escapes Corinth in the chariot of the sun god Helios, who also happens to be her grandfather. Jason is left to grow old with neither wife nor children. The end.

Hmm... maybe they should film this as a modern sequel to Jason & the Argonauts. I see Quentin Tarantino directing. 
 

CBS Drops Bomb On Jericho
CBS has canceled Jericho. Producers have been told the show is ending its run on the broadcast network.  The season finale will air on March 25 with an ending that helps give closure to fans. 

After the first season concluded with an abrupt cut to black, fans famously inundated CBS with tens of thousands of pounds of peanuts to urge the network to continue the show. For the seven-episode second season, producers shot two endings: one that leaves viewers in suspense for a third round, another that is more conclusive. 

The ending that will air Tuesday night doesn't entirely slam the door on the series, but it is different from the cliffhanger version. 

Whedon Readies Web Musical
Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon is producing a Web-based superhero musical called Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. 

"During the strike I started writing a musical intended as a limited internet series, three episodes of approximately 10 minutes each," Whedon wrote. "Writing with me was my brother Jed; his fiancee, Maurissa; and my other brother, Zack. To my shock and surprise, we finished it. To my greater shock and surprise, we managed (with the help of many people I'll be praising at length soon) to drag it into preproduction (yes, just as Dollhouse [an SF pilot for Fox] was given a start date two months away and all my comics were due). And today, after a grueling week of writing everything ever while trying to be a producer, I got to start shooting. A musical." 

Whedon didn't say much about the project, other than to allow: "It's the story of a low-rent supervillain, the hero who keeps beating him up and the cute girl from the laundromat he's too shy to talk to. And I'm having the time of my life." 

The cast includes Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible, Whedon's Firefly/Serenity star Nathan Fillion as Captain Hammer and Felicia Day as Penny.

Caprica Very Different From Battlestar
David Eick and Ronald D. Moore, executive producers of SCI FI Channel's original series Battlestar Galactica, told SCI FI Wire that their upcoming prequel Caprica will be a markedly different series. 

Eick compared it to the feature film American Beauty, while Moore referenced the TV soap opera Dallas. 

"Caprica is a story that Ron Moore and I concocted with [co-executive producer] Remi Aubuchon, and we're casting as we speak," Moore said in an interview at SCI FI Channel's upfront presentation to advertisers in New York on March 18. "I'm very excited about that. If Battlestar Galactica is Black Hawk Down, I would say that Caprica is American Beauty. Caprica is all about the inner lives of the people on a planet and how their personal relationships as well as their professional relationships inform what will become the creation of the Cylons." 
 

Guess where we will find John Weber?
Kong, Jurassic Items Auctioned
A poster for the original King Kong, one of only three known to exist, and a hydraulic Velociraptor from The Lost World: Jurassic Park II are among the rare movie items to be auctioned through Profiles in History on March 27 and 28, the company announced. 

Other items up for sale include the screen-used Spinosaur head and neck from Jurassic Park III, Michael Keaton's Batman costume from Batman Returns and Charles Middleton's Ming the Merciless cape from 1936's Flash Gordon. About 1,100 items will be auctioned off. 

Pixar Mulling Live-Action Mars?
Pixar's first foray into live-action filmmaking may be a film based on Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter of Mars series. 

It was reported that director Andrew Stanton told the staff at Edgar Rice Burroughs Inc. in October of last year that Disney/Pixar is gearing up to do a trilogy of films based on the books. 

Mark Andrews has reportedly completed a first pass on a screenplay for the first film in the series, to which both Pixar and Disney executives have responded enthusiastically. Both companies are reportedly eager to put the project in the development pipeline soon, with an eye to a 2012 release, if not earlier.
 
 

MEDUSA’S MOVIE MADNESS
Reviewed by our own ICS Snake Woman

What do you get when you cross Disney with the Cleavers and throw in some zombies? 
"Fido" (2007) a great zombie flick that's ORIGINAL, with tongue-in-cheek humor and a good cast, too.  Made in Canada and with a limited release here in theatres last year by Lionsgate, it fell through the cracks and, hopefully, will land in your lap (the trailer says it all). 

 ZomCom has kept us all safe since the zombie wars when the earth flew through a cloud of dust and havoc ensued.  Since then towns have been fenced in (amidst the Wild Zone) and the dead are domesticated (contained) by collars curbing their appetites for flesh. 

It's now circa 1950 in a Technicolor town called Willard where zombies deliver the milk, toss newspapers, and mow lawns. Too bad the Robinsons are the only ones on the block without one.  Mom (Carrie-Anne Moss) wants to keep up with the neighbors, Dad (Dylan Baker) has a zombie phobia and Timmy ( K'Sun Ra ) is an embarrassment to both with no friends.  Enter "Fido" (a mute Billy Connolly) as mother's little helper.  Aptly named by Timmy, the two become buddies.  However, a harmless game of fetch in the park proves fatal when Fido's collar malfunctions (as they do sometimes) and he munches out on the neighborhood busybody (hey, these things happen). 

Believe me, this is a comedy and the dead don't start a second world war, and there's a happy ending, too.  It's mainly about the Robinson family and how they function in this "normal" lifestyle, co-existing with zombies collecting the shopping carts. There's not a lot of gore like typical zombie feasts with entrails on the side stuff and a large orange. The dialogue is sharp and there's a lush score, peppered with some good songs throughout. Other notable actors delivering the goods include Tim Blake Nelson and Henry Czerny.  This is Andrew Currie's first film as a writer and director- gimme more! 

And if you don't want to take my word on this (snakes are going nuts here), I shared this flick with an ICSer, whose name will remain anonymous.  I don't want the house to get torched if you happen to disagree ([n which case, you just ain't got no taste).  Besides, we're safe anyway because no one reads this anyhow, ha!   Check out the trailer and if you're a Netflix member, watch it instantly. 

                                           ------------  Hugs and hisses, Medusa (do I smell smoke?)
 
 

SOUND BITES

by  S. Kuchar

"Soundbites" by S. Kuchar gives you a double dose in celebration of  National Women's History Month to enjoy while you're scraping burned toast, matching socks and rewinding VHS tapes  Take 8 minutes and 18 seconds out of your life for "Catwoman: Feminine Power on the Prowl" - 3/16/08, All Things Considered - www.npr.org.  Since cat's have nine lives each one can be a bit different, but the core of Catwoman reigns true today - felines rule!  Listen to Julie Newmar, Eartha Kitt and Adam West comment on this purrfect superchick.  Next up, for a mere 7 minutes and 53 seconds more, this is about one of the most coveted female roles around - "Blanche DuBois: Chasing Magic, Fleeing the Dark " - 3/15/08, Weekend Edition Saturday - www.npr.org.  Think about it - every actress from Jessica Tandy, Vivian Leigh to Glenn Close has had to make this complex character her own.  What does Blanche have that makes her so riveting to play?   That's all for now and remember: Keep your ears open and on the railroad tracks!   S. Kuchar

FAREWELLS

Ben Chapman never landed any major career making roles. He had small parts in only a few films, but he nevertheless achieved a degree of movie immortality and he did it without uttering a word of dialogue or even showing his face. The 6-foot-5 ex-Marine played the title character in CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, the classic 1954 3-D monster movie that quickly developed a cult following that has endured. "I wouldn't hesitate for a second to call it the most famous Hollywood monster movie of the '50s," said Tom Weaver, author of the 1992 "making of" book CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. 
For Chapman, playing the so-called Gill-Man in Creature was the role of a lifetime. He always said landing the Creature role was “a matter of being in the right place at the right time”. He was on the Universal studio lot one day, when he was called into a casting director's office. “They were looking for an imposing creature, and at my size, I filled the bill.”
The movie proved to be so successful that Universal made two sequels -- REVENGE OF THE CREATURE and THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US. Chapman, however, did not return to the Creature role in either follow-up as his option at Universal had expired. Ricou Browning played the Creature in the underwater scenes in all three films.
Over the last decade, Ben Chapman made frequent appearances at autograph shows and film festivals around the country, where he was known as one of the most fan-friendly of celebrities. He was 79.

Steve Gerber, cutting-edge comic-book writer and creator best-known for Howard the Duck, the ill-tempered, cigar-smoking Marvel Comics character whose adventures satirized American life in the 1970s, has died. 
Born Sept. 20, 1947, in St. Louis, he developed an early love of comic books and as a teenager published a comic-book fanzine called Headline. After earning a bachelor's degree in communication at Saint Louis University, he worked as an advertising copywriter in St. Louis and wrote short stories before joining Marvel in 1972.
He began by writing stories for Daredevil, Sub-Mariner and other superhero titles and became known for injecting absurdist humor and social satire into them.
Among Gerber's numerous creations or co-creations during his 36-year career were Nevada, Void Indigo, Sludge, Destroyer Duck, Hard Time and the graphic novel Stewart the Rat.
For television, he was chief story editor on G.I. JOE and a story editor on DUNGEONS & DRAGONS. He shared an Emmy Award as a staff writer on THE BATMAN/SUPERMAN ADVENTURES, and he co-created and story-edited THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN.
He was well known in the comic-book industry as a strong advocate of creators' rights. He was 60 years old.

Leonard Rosenman, an Academy Award-winning composer who won Oscars for his work on BARRY LYNDON and BOUND FOR GLORY has died. In a 46-year Hollywood career that began with EAST OF EDEN in 1955, he scored about four dozen feature films and three dozen TV movies and miniseries. He also contributed music to at least 14 TV series, including writing the theme music and scoring the pilot episode for THE DEFENDERS, and composing all the music for COMBAT! and the vast majority of the music for MARCUS WELBY, M.D. He won two Emmys -- for his music for SYBIL and for FRIENDLY FIRE.
Other of his film scores were for REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE, CROSS CREEK, STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME, HELL IS FOR HEROES, FANTASTIC VOYAGE, A MAN CALLED HORSE, BENEATH and BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES, THE CAR, THE LORD OF THE RINGS (1978) and ROBOCOP 2. He was 83.

Sir Arthur Charles Clarke, the visionary science fiction writer who won worldwide acclaim with more than 100 books on space, science and the future--died March 18 in his adopted home of Sri Lanka. 
Clarke moved to Sri Lanka in 1956, lured by his interest in marine diving, which he said was as close as he could get to the weightless feeling of space. 
Co-author with Stanley Kubrick of Kubrick's film 2001: A Space Odyssey, Clarke was regarded as far more than a science fiction writer. He also was host and commentator in the British television series Mysterious World.
Clarke served in the Royal Air Force as a radar instructor and technician from 1941-1946, proposed satellite communication systems in 1945 which won him the Franklin Institute Stuart Ballantine Gold Medal in 1963 and a nomination in 1994 for a Nobel Prize, and became the chairman of the British Interplanetary Society from 1947-1950.
He was credited with the concept of communications satellites in 1945, decades before they became a reality. Geosynchronous orbits, which keep satellites in a fixed position relative to the ground, are called Clarke orbits. He was knighted in 1998.
Among some of his works, were novels: Childhood’s End, Rendezvous with Rama, Dolphin Island, Imperial Earth, and Hammer of God. He was 90.
 
 

TheLastWardTheLastWardTheLastWardTheLastWard

Welcome once again to the unfettered mind of the Oscars Junkie.  You know who I’m talking about: the geek who puts his life on hold every year on a Sunday night near the end of February, just to see flashy human Hollywood big shots walk up to collect little golden Hollywood big shots.  My Oscars viewing streak has extended nearly uninterrupted for 39 years.  In case you’re curious, there were two breaks: I had appendicitis in 1971, and the battle-ax nurse in the pediatrics ward wouldn’t let me stay up past 10 to see George C. Scott turn down his Oscar for PATTON.  I was working in 1976 (doorman at a movie theater, of course) and missed most of the ceremony, but got home in time to see Jack Nicholson win his first Oscar, for ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, saying, “I guess this proves there are just as many nuts in the Academy as anywhere else.”
 How true.  I know of at least one nut that stays up every year to watch the damn thing.  And I also know he stopped apologizing for it a long time ago.  (What can I say?  I have an indulgent wife.)
 Here we go, folks:  minute by minute…

8:21 P.M.  I try to skip as much of the red carpet pre-show as possible (because I still value my sanity), but I still turn the TV on in time to see rookie nominee Ellen Page.  She’s a nice, likable actress.  Warm and friendly.  She doesn’t have a chance in hell.

8:28 P.M.  Regis Philbin looks shiny, scary, and embalmed.

8:30 P.M.  Here we go.  A CGI chase down Hollywood Boulevard passing tons of movie icons, and into the Kodak Theater…

8:32 P.M.  …where host Jon Stewart enters.  “You’re here!  You’re actually here!”  It took all of two seconds for the first strike joke.  Stewart comments on all the violent nominated pictures:  “Thank God for teen pregnancy.”

8:38 P.M.  “Oscar is 80 this year…which automatically makes him the front-runner for the Republican nomination.”  Hmm, it took Daily Show host Stewart 6 ½  minutes for the first election joke, which still puts him one up on last year’s host, Ellen Degeneres, and that damned gospel choir.

8:41 P.M.  Jennifer Garner, with her hair in her face, presents the award for Costume Design.  ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE wins.  And here comes the first of countless commercial breaks.

8:47 P.M.  George Clooney presents the first clip montage of the night, this one celebrating “80 years of Oscars” – highlights from the Oscar shows themselves.  I’d rather watch clips of the movies, but that’s just me.

8:51 P.M.  Anne Hathaway and Steve Carell present Animated Feature.  RATATOUILLE wins!  Director Brad Bird thanks his junior high guidance counselor before he thanks his wife.  Shame on him.

8:55 P.M.  Katherine Heigl presents the Make-up Oscar.  LA VIE EN ROSE wins over NORBIT, thank God.

8:58 P.M.  Amy Adams sings “Happy Working Song,” the first of three nominated songs from the Disney film ENCHANTED.  It’s cutesy and peppy and my teeth threaten to fall right out of my mouth.

9:06 P.M.  Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) presents the Special Effects Oscar, and THE GOLDEN COMPASS wins in a slight upset over big, hulking robots.

9:09 P.M.  Cate Blanchett presents the award for Art Direction.  SWEENEY TODD wins.  Hey – my favorite movie of last year won something!

9:12 P.M.  Past winners for Supporting Actor are shown in clips, topped by Cuba Gooding Jr.’s insanely joyous meltdown.  Jennifer Hudson presents the award to Javier Bardem for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.  Outstanding choice!  Never any doubt.

9:22 P.M.  Stewart presents a brief taste of what a writerless Oscars show would have been like:  clip montages like “A Salute to Binoculars and Periscopes.”  Good stuff.

9:24 P.M.  Keri Russell introduces “Raise it Up,” the nominated song from AUGUST RUSH.  I have no idea who’s singing the song, and I don’t really care.  Let’s face it:  the Best Song category has really fallen on hard times.

9:28 P.M.  Owen Wilson, no longer suicidal, presents the Live Action Short award.  LE MOZART DE PICKPOCKETS wins.  I don’t speak French, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with pickpockets.

9:31 P.M.  Jerry Seinfeld presents the Animated Short award in the guise of an animated bee.  PETER AND THE WOLF wins.

9:33 P.M.  A montage of Supporting Actress winners is shown (I can see where this is going), followed by Alan Arkin presenting the Supporting Actress award.  Tilda Swinton wins for MICHAEL CLAYTON.  Finally – a category where I skunk everyone else in the Oscars Pool.  I was beginning to think I was losing my touch.  It’s much more fun to be the skunker, and not the skunkee.

9:37 P.M.  Wow, 9 awards in just over an hour.  If this pace keeps up, we’ll be done by 11 P.M.  Time to slow things down – maybe bring out those Price-Waterhouse guys with the briefcases to tap dance.

9:44 P.M.  Jessica Alba comes out to talk about her “Geek Duties,” hosting the Scientific and Technical Awards show from a week ago.  I guess the Academy didn’t take me up on my suggestion of last year – get Kathy Bates to do it.

9:46 P.M.  Josh Brolin and James McAvoy come out to present the Adapted Screenplay award.  Joel and Ethan Coen win for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.  I’m betting this is the first of several for them.

9:49 P.M.  Academy President Sid Ganis comes out to present a tongue-in-cheek but truthful look at the voting process.  It’s actually pretty good.  (Don’t tell Sid I said that.)

9:52 P.M.  Teen sensation Miley “Hannah Montana” Cyrus introduces “That’s How You Know,” the second nominated ENCHANTED song.  I grind the few remaining teeth I lave left.

10:01 P.M.  Jon Stewart introduces “Dame Judi Dench and Halle Berry.”  Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen come out instead and do shtick about who actually looks more like Halle.  Sadly, with their white ‘fros, they actually look like each other.  They present back-to-back Sound awards (for Editing and Mixing), and THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM wins both.

10:07 P.M.  A montage of past Best Actress winners is followed by Forest Whitaker stepping out to present the Actress Oscar, and the award goes to French actress Marion Cotillard for LA VIE EN ROSE.  I’m surprised; I actually thought Julie Christie had enough staying power to win.  Cotillard is the first actress to win for a subtitled movie in 45 years (Sophia Loren was the last, for TWO WOMEN.)

10:17 P.M.  Colin Farrell introduces “Falling Slowly,” a nominated song from the indie film ONCE.  It gets an amazingly strong reception.

10:22 P.M.  Jack Nicholson comes out to present a montage of all the Best Picture Oscar winners.  Nicely done, although for a moment there, I thought they were giving out the Picture award, too.

10:28 P.M.  Renee Zellweger presents the award for Film Editing.  In an upset, THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM wins its third Oscar of the night.  It seems the Coens will not make history after all:  no one has ever won four different awards for the same film.

10:31 P.M.  Nicole Kidman comes out drowning in jewelry.  She presents an Honorary Oscar to production designer Robert Boyle.  I’ve never heard of the guy, but he’s done everything from Hitchcock to FIDDLER ON THE ROOF.  A standing ovation, the first of the night, for a 98-year-old guy who manages to do a little speech.  It’s halting, but clear.  Hey, he’s 98.  What did you expect?

10:42 P.M.  Penelope Cruz presents the Foreign Language Film award.  THE COUNTERFEITERS, a film from Austria, wins.

10:44 P.M.  Patrick Dempsey comes out to introduce the final nominated song from ENCHANTED, “So Close.”  This has certainly been a forgettable year for songs.  Whatever happened to the classics?  “Moon River”?  “Over the Rainbow”?  “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp”?

10:48 P.M.  John Travolta dances out (literally) to present the Oscar for Best Song.  Glen Hansard and MArketa Irglova, the actor and actress who wrote and performed the song in the movie, win for “falling Slowly,” from ONCE.  Irglova  is played off by the orchestra before she can thank anyone.  Whoops.

10:52 P.M.  I gotta hit the head soon; I’m running out of time.  I take a chance and run for it, stopping on the way back to grab a bag of chips.  I just make it.

10:57 P.M.  After the commercial break, Stewart walk out, leading Irglova, the girl who didn’t get a chance to say thank you.  I can’t tell at first if he’s kidding.  If he’s serious, it’s a nice thing to do.  Probably why I can’t remember it ever having been done before.

10:59 P.M.  Cameron Diaz presents the Best Cinematography award, which goes to Robert Elswit for THERE WILL BE BLOOD.  It’s a tiny upset, possibly because Roger Deakins, nominated twice, split his votes.

11:01 P.M.  Hilary Swank introduces the traditional “In Memoriam” montage.  I wait for Heath Ledger, and sure enough, they save him for last.

11:07 P.M.  Amy Adams comes out to present the Best Score Oscar.  Dario Marianelli wins for ATONEMENT. 

11:11 P.M.  Tom Hanks presents the Documentary Short Subject award, helped along by soldiers serving in Iraq, who read the nominations.  FREEHOLD wins.

11:14 P.M.  Hanks returns to present the Documentary Feature award.  TAXI TO THE DARK SIDE wins.

11:23 P.M.  Harrison Ford presents the Oscar for Original Screenplay.  Diablo Cody wins for JUNO, which gets a big round of applause.  I’m impressed with the big tattoo of a scantily-clad girl on Cody’s right arm.  Must be from her days as an exotic dancer. 

11:28 P.M.  The Best Actor winners montage is followed by Helen Mirren presenting the Oscar to Daniel Day Lewis, who gives a polished, grateful speech.  He must have guessed he might win.

11:40 P.M.  The Director winners montage is followed by Martin Scorsese, who presents the Oscar to Joel and Ethan Coen for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. 

11:45 P.M.  Denzel Washington presents the Best Picture Oscar.  In an upset, TRANSFORMERS wins.  Just kidding – it’s the Coens again for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, their third award of the night.

11:47 P.M.  Jon Stewart closes the show with his usual “Get home safe.”  Three hours and 17 minutes.  That’s damn near a breakneck pace for the Oscars.

11:48 P.M.  I rush to the computer to read about the show I just watched.

7:30 A.M. THE NEXT MORNING.  My wife files for divorce.